Monday, April 28, 2014

Getting Real: Lost & Found

Hey guys. Long time no blogging.... Seems like this is the first thing to go when my life gets hectic. Many of you follow me on instagram & get snippits of my world from my feed to keep you all up to date on my little life. Oh instagram, what a great place, am I right? It's a way to share bits and pieces of your life in square, filtered form. What many of you don't see in that feed is what my real life is all about.

Recently my life has consisted of the following things: Doing hair on the daily. Hair, make up & fashion styling for musicians for photo shoots, performances etc. And going to concerts, lots and lots of concerts. Sounds pretty glamorous right? Well what you can't see behind the filtered square photos is real life. I've talked about some personal things here before. & I am here to do it again. Read on if you care, or come back in a few days when I am bound to have a new outfit post.

For those of you who follow my insta feed, you may have noticed a photo where I said that I had lost myself for a bit lately. Well, it's true. It can be so easy to paint a picture of how you want the world to see you, through social media & even in real life interactions. I have always tried to be "put together" no matter what I am going through, not only in the sense of how my appearance is, but the emotion I show, or in most cases don't show. For the most part I am a very transparent, what you see is what you get kind of person. But when it comes to showing hurt, vulnerability, or true feelings, I struggle. I have convinced myself not to show emotion for fear of burdening others. The last month or so something happened and I just couldn't do it anymore. The every day question, "how are you?" sent me into tears. In.public. DAILY. Who was I? What happened to me that I couldn't keep it together? I felt out of control.

I did the only thing I could think of to fix the situation. I began to work so much that I didn't have time to be sad. I didn't have time to feel. Something I never expected came from all of this. I began to work non stop with some incredible girls. Their dreams of sharing their music with the world became my dreams. I wanted nothing more than to do anything I could to help them achieve their goals. I spent countless hours supporting them, styling them, writing music with them & doing anything to make their life easier. I devoted myself to their friendships, became their confidant & developed a true love for these girls. Something I will never regret. My plan had worked. I didn't feel any of my sadness, but when I thought about my life, my dreams, I didn't feel anything at all. I began to compare my own successes to the successes of these girls. I felt that what I was doing on my own was of no worth, was pointless. What was I doing to make this world a better place? I was so busy focusing on these new friends I lost my focus. I lost myself.

One night, after a looooong week one of these girls, one who I became particularly close with came to me. I knew the instant I saw her she was having a rough time. After much persuading she finally opened up to me about her stresses, her struggles and her doubts about life. We talked & cried together and that's when it hit me. I wasn't alone.

We can hide it, we can fight it, we can filter it all we want. At the end of the day we are all the same. Situations make us who we are, and make us all unique but we all are living the same lives. We all have doubts, we have highs and lows. We have good days. We have terrible, debilitating, don't want to get out of bed days. We succeed and we fail. Daily, weekly, monthly & yearly. But the one thing we have in all of this, is each other. You may not see it, but you have people who are cheering you on, who love you and who want incredible things for you. At first I didn't see it.

I am blessed with the most incredible support system. I see their hand in everything I do, and everything I am becoming, each and every day. Although I push them away thinking I can do it all myself (stubborn, stubborn me), I am learning more and more every day how to accept love and support from each and every one of them.

I am sure I will lose my way again, and I am even more sure that the people who support me will be here to help me refocus and help me strive to be better than I was before. And I am eternally grateful for that.

If any of you out there who read this need love and support through a trying time, please don't hesitate to reach out. If not to me, to someone who you know cares for you. We are not on this planet to watch each other struggle, we are here to lift each other up. Thank you to so many of you who have helped me and don't even know it. And thank you to those who build others up daily. You are a help to this world.

Lets strive to share love & acceptance.

When your dreams feel unattainable know that someone out there views your dreams as their dreams & would do anything for you.

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  1. This is so beautiful Tara!
    You speak for a lot of people, that's for sure :)
    It's always good to take a step back and check up on yourselves.
    we are our own best friend at the end of the day!

  2. I feel you my friend. This touches a tender place with me and is exactly what I needed to hear! Love you girl!!