Sunday, April 17, 2016

Single ladies, you're doing just fine.

I grew up as an only child, I don't remember much of my childhood, but I do remember being in daycare and pre-school from a very young age. If I remember correctly I was about 18 months when I was fully enrolled in a care program. Both of my parents worked to make ends meet, as many middle class parents do. My mom has worked for as long as I can remember, and she has worked hard. I remember being about 12 or so and thinking about my future family and saying, "I will never work as a mom, I want to stay at home with my kids". It was something I never had, so I wanted to make sure my kids had me. How naive was I? I also thought I would be married in my early 20's and start having babies by 23. hahaha. Oh Tara. As my life happened and I reached my mid 20's I thought, woe is me, I will never get married, I will never have kids.. blah blah blah I was feeling bad for myself being a mid 20's LDS girl, being left behind by all of my friends who seemed to just get lucky and find "the one" while I wrestled through on again off again relationships. Poor Tara. I spent so much of my life trying to find someone I forgot to be some one. I won't go much into finding myself, because, lets be real, that is an ongoing search. I will say this. I found myself in my career, I cultivated my career, I put everything in to it, and into helping others work toward their dream.

I was in full focus on career mode when I found out I was pregnant. I had literally been telling my clients for a few months that I never thought kids would be in my future. Little did I know......I thought for sure having a baby, having my baby, would derail my dreams, my ambitions, and force me to have to step back from my work, from my identity. Here I am with a 5 month old little angel, and here I am with my dreams, my aspirations and my career fully intact. Becoming a mom has helped me to prioritize my dreams & to make the time I spend working as profitable and meaningful as I possibly can. Now, I am blessed with a career that is flexible, I am my own boss, I make my own hours, I set my times off. I am lucky to often work from home when necessary, and I have a partner who's schedule permits me to be able to take time away, and nanny's who I trust fully to step in when needed. I know many do not have that privilege. Do not let that discourage you from finding and having dreams & making them realities!!

When I am working at my salon I often find myself on my "salon chair soapbox". I work with many young women who often confide in me how unsettled they are in their lives because they are not wives or mothers. Ladies, I have been there. I do not boss you around and tell you to find yourselves because I am a know it all. I do it because I do not want anyone to have to suffer the torment I put myself, and often societal factors put on me to FIND SOMEONE. It took me (and is still taking me 20ish) years to cultivate who I am. And guess what I AM STILL SINGLE, and that's okay! There are many women I know who were girls when they got married and even started a family, it has worked for them. That is not for everyone, and that is okay! Biologically, it has been found that as women our brains are not fully developed until we are 25 years old. 25 YEARS OLD PEOPLE. How can we be expected to know what we want or who we want to be at the ripe old age of 18, when we finish high school and go off to "start our lives"?

We are living in a social media society. Real life is made to look perfect constantly. Real life is not perfect, it is LIFE, ever changing with ups and downs, with moments of clarity and happiness and moments of doubt, frustration and major major let down. Even for the people with the picture perfect lives. Especially for me. Pictures do not show all angles of a life, captions can never capture real moments. Put down your phone (once you're done reading this) and think about this: at the end of the day who do you spend the majority of your time with? Rather, all of your time? You. You are the only person who you live the entirety of your life with. With all of this time spent, do you know this person? Do you like this person? Is this person someone you would want to live the rest of your life with? These are questions that I am asking myself today & I will continue to ask myself. To be frank, today, right now, the answer is no. I am not always my biggest fan. I can be a douche. I have recently been told I am mean, and guess what? I can be really mean. I have and will continue to make mistakes, many many mistakes. As all humans do. The mistakes I have made have hurt people around me, they have shaped the lives and choices of people around me. And some mistakes have brought me sheer joy.

We are taught that choices, all choices, have consequences. Each choice is supposed to bring either a good or a bad consequence, right? Well, I do not fully believe that there is a right and wrong choice in life. Rather, I believe in good, better and best. The choices we make daily shape our lives. Can we make what we think is a good choice and have a bad outcome? Yes, we can. Because no matter how hard we try we can not force the hand of others, or the will of God to work in our favor. Do your best, be your best & hope that good things come to you. Live by the golden rule: do unto others as you would have done unto you. And if you're feeling really motivated add my rule to that: be someone, be true to you, and be nice to people, but don't let them be mean to you. The rest will work it's self out.

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1 comment:

  1. Love this! Thank you so much for sharing! You are absolutely darling!