Saturday, May 6, 2017

Ignorance.

Oh how I've missed you lil blog. I've had so many changes, so many thoughts, feelings, struggles, blessings, and so much to tell you. I just haven't known where to start. So here I am back where it all began.



I stopped blogging for a while because I didn't feel it was worth my time. I positioned myself into a lot of projects, mostly just to fill a void I felt in my life created by choices by myself and others. With so many large, and hard to palette changes in my world I choose the only healing I knew. Ignorance. Now I will use this word in a different way than most, mostly because I don't know the real word for what I did. SO ignorance it shall be. I ignored my life. I placed projects and people in my life to ignore what was really going on in my world. I didn't want to believe that I had failed. So I chose to succeed. I felt completely out of control, so I took control. Control of the one thing I could, Me.



I took the hard things in my life, and put them out of my mind by staying mind numbingly busy. I worked tirelessly for myself, for friends, and on any and every project I could get my hands on. I stopped eating. I rarely slept.

I always mothered at my best. I couldn't control how my baby was always being loved and cared for. Who she spent her time with, although I sure tried, what she ate, how well she slept. But I could, and I still do when she is with me. Because along with all of the things I have done, and am doing, motherhood chose me and I make the conscious choice to give it my best every day.

9 months of mind numbing ignorance finally brought me to my knees January 1, 2017. Just 4 and a half short months ago. Sobbing uncontrollably on my kitchen floor I could no longer live in my ignorance.



January 31st I walked into a therapist's office for the first time in 4 years. I was ready to admit I was not who I knew I could be. Bi weekly sessions vocalizing what I chose to ignore for so long.

Clarity, security, closure, and growth.

The void no longer felt like a void. But rather freedom. Freedom from the lies I had deemed as truths. That my best wasn't good enough. That I wasn't enough. That I couldn't have it all. That my dreams were less than others. That my dreams were more than others.

February 21st I signed a 3 years lease to my dreams. Be More Creative Studios. A place that could help others, a place of love and solace. A place for cultivating creativity. A place of growth and security. A place where people could live out their dreams.



7 weeks of renovations, doubts, encouraging words, clear visions, and blurred intentions.

April 8th. With saw dust remaining on the floor, the doors to Be More Creative Studios opened.

A Bride and her Groom had their first look in my natural light studio for the first time. Love. Simultaneously the Be More Collection team with our photographer shot products for our Spring Looks. Creativity. My little queen ran around with my business partner & boyfriend as I oversaw everything. Growth & Security. Every dream I had came to life in that moment. Satisfaction, love, and validation ran through me. I was enough, my dream was someone else's dream & I could have it all.

Doubts are real. Self doubt is valid. The nights you spend feeling or being alone are preparing you for harder moments that you WILL endure. The potential you have is stronger than any hard moment, any loss you feel. Any void you have one day will be filled. Dare to follow that dream, walk away from the things holding you back, even if you think they are the only things keeping you together. Your strength will come from within. Find your clarity, create your security, fight for your closure, and the growth you will find will push you to things you never knew existed.





Photos: Cameron Kirby
 photo signature_zps6bbf95b9.jpg

2 comments:

  1. It's nice to see you back.
    I really like this style. Thank you for sharing!
    instagram online

    ReplyDelete
  2. cool! check out yoshop.com too for more fashion items!

    ReplyDelete